6FT DEEP AS STANDARD!
GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE? WE'VE GOT IT COVERED!
Fred WestPatios™
We'll bury the competition!
FREE SHOVEL! with every quote
NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
GET MY FREE QUOTE ▸Instant! Confidential! Untraceable!
EVERYTHING MUST GO… UNDER!
'93 11 02
Fred on site. (Camera-shy.)
Why choose Fred?
- Deep foundations6 feet as standard. Deeper on request. Much deeper if you don't ask.
- Rapid-set concreteSets rock-hard before anyone starts asking questions.
- Night-time installationWe work after dark so we don't disturb the neighbours. Or get seen by them.
- Unmarked vansTotal discretion. Our vans have no logo, no phone number and, on a good day, no plates.
- Nothing comes back upEvery patio carries our famous guarantee: if anything resurfaces, we'll come back down.*
- Zero complaintsWe've never had a single complaint. Not one. Not a peep. Not a whisper.
Other patio firms
- Ask what it's for
- Want planning permission
- Give receipts
- Remember your face
Fred West Patios
- Never ask
- Never heard of it
- Cash only
- Remember nothing
Our patio package
★ ONE SIZE FITS ALL ★
The Fred Special
6 FEET DEEP
£1,999
Whatever needs covering
- Extra-heavy slabs
- Night-time fitting
- Unmarked van
- Fitters with no memory
Ideal for anyone whose husband "went to Spain".
RECENT JOBS!
Before. Suspiciously normal.
Delivery day. Extra-heavy, as requested.
'95 01 01
The van. Plates removed for "privacy".
After. Nothing to see here.
Dig the difference
Rock-solid reviews
★★★★★
"My husband popped out for fags in 1987. Lovely patio, though."
– Mrs J., Liverpool★★★★★
"The neighbours keep asking why I sit on it all day. Mind your own business, Brenda."
– Mr K., the Midlands★★★★★
"Fred said 'don't ask', so I didn't. Ten out of ten. Would not ask again."
– Anon., location withheld★★★★★
"The mother-in-law came to stay. Now she's staying for good. Cracking job."
– Dave, Essex100% FREE! No paper trail!
NO QUESTIONS ASKED!
Get your free quote
Tell us a little about your job and Fred will work out a price on the spot. It's instant, confidential and totally untraceable.